In my prime?

So I should probably confess that I'm a closeted QVC AM Style watcher on Saturday mornings.  I think I've purchased two items from QVC in my entire life but for some reason I just love watching that on Saturday mornings.  And this morning Isaac Mizrahi was showing his new collection & I just love him too!  Double bonus! 

As I walked my 3.25 miles on the tread mill today, I was all smiles as I listened to Isaac talk about his collection, his inspiration, and what he thinks fashion for real women really is.  Then he said something that caught my attention...something still lingering with me tonight.  He said he designs clothes for women in their prime.  He said that he wants the women who wear his clothes to be in their prime of life regardless of their age.  So in his mind he's designing clothes for a 35 year old woman (what he feels society calls a woman's prime of life) even if the woman is 25 or 65...she should still feel like she's in her prime. 

Now I'm 35 (at least for a few more weeks) & I've never heard that I'm in my prime until today.  Quite honestly I had to look up the term just to figure out what that meant.  According to freedictionary.com, the prime of life is the time of maturity when power & vigor are greatest.  According to merriam-webster, the prime of life is the most active, thriving, or satisifying stage of life.   This has me wondering:  is that where I am right now????  I know this pink goal thing is big but is it really where power and vigor are going to be at their max in my whole life???  I'm not so sure...

Of course this thought snowballed into another thought:  what's holding me back from being in my prime?  The obvious is that I was holding myself back by not living a healthy lifestyle & am now changing that.  But is there more than that?  I'm a smart, beautiful, outgoing, vibrant woman.  Why haven't I been living a healthy lifestyle?  I know what being unhealthy does to your body & to your mind, soul, and spirit.  Yet, I still waited till I was 35 to make a change.  So there's something else to it...something else that has kept me from my prime until now 

As I walked further I got to thinking about being a survivor.  I can't know what it is to survive something like breast cancer, but I do know what it is to be a survivor.  With my own scare with cervical cancer several years ago & a personal history that includes surviving sexual assault as a young woman & all of the turmoil that has come with I've done my share of surviving.  It struck me today that I spent a lot of years angry about being survivor.  Until recently (the last 18 months), I always wondered why I had to be the survivor.  Why do I have to keep going through these life lessons?  Another break up....a crushing industry/economy loss...not being able to have bioligical children....family struggles...etc.   There were days I wondered what could possibly be next. 

Looking back on that time I realize that I spent a long time resenting the fact that I was a survivor.  I spent too much time in the "why me's" and too little time in the "what can I do about it's".  Then I moved here to Fort Wayne & began telling my story to people.  I began sharing with others what mattered to me & the lessons I've learned in being a survivor...big lessons like persistance, grace, drive, and good ol' fashion chutzpah.  Of course I've been masking a lot of this with food & with a desire to not be the center of things physically.  The good news is that it's changing thanks to my pink goal & all the good it's bringing to light.  Now maybe my physical ability will match the inner strength that I've been allowing other see for these last 18 months.  Now that's a kick ass combo....can't wait to cross that finish line.  It's gonna rock!